Saying Goodbye to Whiskey

I wanted to put this off another month or so but something happened yesterday that made me realize I just need to let it out or I'll keep feeling creatively blocked. It's been almost two weeks since I put Whiskey down. I'll start with what happened..

November 10th was a beautiful sunny morning. I went out in the pasture with Harlie and Lillian to grab two horses for their lesson. Amazingly Osa was laying down, for the first time I've ever seen, and we had a blissful half hour laying down with her while she napped. That wonderful moment quickly turned into concern after noticing that three of Whiskey's legs were swollen. It looked like he was stocked up, which happens when a horse is inactive creating poor circulation and swelling. But he'd been out in the pasture doing his regular routine with no reason to be stocked up. I have seen this in Whiskey in one leg when he's had an abscess, but never more than one leg at a time.

Left Front Swollen

Both Hinds Swollen

I called Dr. Sells to see if he had any insight and check his availability for coming out. I knew from my recent experiences with Maz and Osa at the Vet that I would not be able to afford much in the way of treatment for Whiskey. To make a long story short I have known for a while that Whiskey has been declining and I would have to let him go when I saw his quality of life decrease. You can read Whiskey's full history in this blog post.

Dr. Sells recommend walking him and see if the swelling got better. We walked him around for over 30 minutes and it did not. His walk was normal, which for him is slow and dragging, but he didn't seem in obvious pain. The next morning all four of his legs were swollen. Again he acted like his normal self, but it had to have been painful. I called Dr. Sells to come put him down. While we waited I groomed him out in the pasture. He wouldn't let me brush his body, but I combed his mane and tail.

You have to understand the history behind Whiskey to know how I came to the decision. Because I did not want to let him go. I didn't want to give up on him. But I had to.

Blame it on my limited knowledge and lack of experience but he was my horse and I know I did the best I could. He has taught me a valuable lesson and I will never again overextend myself by taking in more horses than I can handle. It was all done with good intentions, but he sat on the back burner while I took on other things. I dumped a lot of money into him but it never felt like I was giving him enough time.

Now that it's over I feel some peace. I'm able to focus on the horses I have.

What happened that made me want to write this... I was putting Osa back in the pasture and Blackjack snuck out of the gate. Usually he would immediately start eating grass nearby, but he walked purposefully straight to the barn and right up to Whiskey's old stall. He wanted to go in, so I opened it and let him sniff around. When Atlas died Blackjack was all over him, sniffing, even biting him, and stood there a long time. He didn't come over to Whiskey's body, even to sniff. But when he went to his stall I know he was looking for Whiskey and I could feel how much he missed him. It made me realize how much I miss Whiskey to, even though I don't want to let myself go there.

There's a saying "A safe horse is a safe horse", meaning if the horse is safe to be around they will be safe from the kill pen. Whiskey was not safe for beginners. Aggressively threatening to bite when being brushed never stopped for him. I believe it was due to pain in his body - bony changes that cannot be fixed.

I had to make a rational and financially appropriate decision so that I can continue to run the rescue. The longevity of the mission is most important.

That mission is to educate people about horse care and horsemanship so that they can better understand how to treat horses they may encounter in the future. In this way we advocate for all horses through education.

I very much appreciate all the kind words when he passed. He was loved and is out of pain now.